Wednesday, January 6, 2010

God's Plan

In the past 36 hours I have learned that God's plan is not always our plan or the plan we want to see happen. I have been struggling with understanding why He makes the plans that he does, and why He takes the people He does from this Earth.

On Tuesday, God took a special person from this Earth. I have come to realize that He had other plans for Nate. It hurts, it hurts very bad, and it is so hard to understand. As Mr. Hooiser and I laid in bed last night, I kept asking him why. Mr. Hoosier reassured me that God had better work for Nate and He really needed him. I know this is true, but it doesn't take away the pain right now- the pain that I feel when I see my young, beautiful cousin facing so much grief at such a age.

Nate Savieo, 18 years old, went to be with the Lord Tuesday morning. One week ago, I asked you all to pray for him, and I thank those of you who did. It was a long journey for the family and friends of Nathan. It was an emotional rollercoaster as we all thought he was improving slowly, from what ended up being a strep infection that got into his blood stream. However, that was not the case and he lost his battle at 3:03 am at Parkview Hospital in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Nate is a true testimony of how precious life truly is.
As I have thought and thought for the last 36 hours on what to say or write, I am speechless. There is nothing I can say or do to make anyone feel better. I search for the right words for his parents as I know losing a child is a parent's worst nightmare. I search for words for his younger siblings as they will grow up without memories of their brother like I have with my brother and sister. I wish I knew what to say to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins because I know how it feels to lose a family member. I have dug deep for something to say to make my precious, cousin Katie Jo whom he loved so dearly. I can't imagine losing the one you love the most, and to do it at such a young age breaks my heart into pieces. They were never even given a chance to take their relationship to the next level, and that kills me. I know their love was so true despite their young age. As for my aunt and uncle, I know Nate was the son they never had, and to them it's like losing a child; the question of what to say remains. And to my other two cousins, Ashley and Alyssa, Nate was like a younger brother to them and I can't imagine their pain.

My husband said it best yesterday when he wrote me this, "The only thing I understand about God's plan is that it is God's Plan. I don't know why he does certain things or allows them to happen, but I have to believe it is His plan." And that my friends, is what keeps me going, knowing that it's not my plan or your's, but His and that is how we must live our lives.

There are many things I don't know or understand. I don't understand death, I don't know what to say to people when it happens, and I struggle with how to move on after it happens. However, I do know and trust one thing, and that is that Nate is in a better place. He is in a world free of pain, free of hate, and full of love and happiness. I am sure he is "schooling" everyone in heaven on the baseball diamond, basketball court, and football field. I know that my Grandma and Uncle Ricky welcomed him when he went to heaven. He will forever be watching over us, and will be Katie Jo's guardian angel. That all gives me comfort, but it doesn't take away the pain...

Rest in Peace, Nathan Patrick Savieo, you will forever be in my heart. Thank you for showing Katie unconditional love, and thank you for making me realize that I need to be more loving to my own husband, family & friends. You are a true testimony to "living every day to its fullest", and for you, buddy, I will try my best!

Nate & Katie at our wedding- May 30, 2009. They really love each other!

Nate opening Christmas presents from Aunt Kathy & Uncle Joe. Christmas 2009, just a week and a half before he went to be with the Lord, and just 3 days before he went to the hospital.

Nate & Katie driving the go cart at my Uncle Don's.

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