Good-byes: they DON'T get easier each time

Well yesterday, I said good-bye to my brother yet again. This time, it is going to be worse than when he was at basic training; I don't know when I will get to see him again, or how often I will get to talk to him. I know this is a part of his gig, a part of him growing into a man, and a part of life, but it doesn't make it any easier.

Yesterday he came down to spend the day with me; I am so lucky that my younger brother still enjoys hanging out with his big sister. He was a big help in my classroom as he hung curtains, made a large welcome sign (he & my sister are both more artistic than me), moved furniture, and helped organize. Although it was a working kind of day, it was nice to just be in a room just the two of us. We talked about what he is looking forward to, his fears, and what the future might hold for him.

After working in my classroom for several hours, we came home and relaxed and then went out for our "Last Supper". I then had a GOTR meeting, and he had to get home so he could get to the Navy office today, but he also took Bailey back to my mom's for us so she could watch her while we are on vacation.

Saying good-bye this time was much harder than when he left for bootcamp. With bootcamp, there was an end date; I knew when I would get to see him again. With A-School, he was in Chicago, so it wasn't far and he could come often. Now this new transition is a new challenge. He will be stationed in Norfolk, Virgina, and well, that isn't too far away, but there is more to this. Yes, Norfolk is close and we could easily drive there for Christmas or Thanksgiving, but when those Holidays come around, he won't be there. His ship is on a world tour right now, so as soon as he gets to Norfolk he will fly out to where his ship is and be there for about a year. Yes, that is right a year; I will not see my brother for a year! I know people do this all the time, and some do this with their husbands or wives, and to me that is incredible! I won't get to to celebrate his 21st birthday with him, see him on Thanksgiving, Christmas, or just on a random weekend. I know in my heart that he will be just fine, and this is a part of life, but regardless of where we are in our lives, he is still my little brother, and as a big sister I will always have this feeling.

Although, I am feeling sadness for the lack of visits we will have in the next year, I am very excited for him. He will get to do things most people will never experience in their lifetime. He will get to be on this ship and enter different countries; the different types of cultures he will get to experience will be an indescribable experience. In one year, he will get to visit more countries and see more sites than most people do in their lifetime. So, although I will miss him, I know that is very selfish because this is going to be an incredible experience for him. I am excited to see the ways in which he grows even more in the next year.

So, here is a quick last note to my Sailor brother:

Dear Zachary,

Yesterday was hard, yesterday was very hard! As I sit here and write this while icing my legs, I still feel a lump in my throat, a pit in my stomach, and an overall feeling of sadness to know that it is going to be a very long time until I see you again. I have told you over and over how proud I am of the man you have become, and this still holds true today. I am envious of the experiences you will have in the next year and am extremely anxious to hear about all your endeavors, and to see how these new experiences will have shape you into an even more well-rounded man. This will be the longest I have ever gone without seeing you, but in my heart, I know it is okay. It is all a part of growing up, right? At least that is what I tell myself in order to stop the tears. From the day you were born, you have meant so much to me, and 20 years and 9 months later that hasn't changed one bit. I treasure all the time we have had together over the years, and especially the time I was able to see you while you were on leave. I look forward to seeing you again, no matter when that may be.

My advice to you, you know I have to since I am the big sis, is to simply, ENJOY! There is no other time in your life that you are going to be able to see the world from a boat! There is so much to learn from other cultures, so when you get to go into different cities, take it all in and see as much as you can. Always know that we will be thinking about you and praying for your safe journey. When you get home, we will celebrate your 21st birthday New Haven style! I love you, Z!!

Love always,

Your big sis

Me, Zach and Court @ the Zac Brown Band concert- what a great night with my favorites!

One Week Later...

One week ago, my brother left for the Navy, and my mom received a letter today. It was definitely a sigh of relief. However, the letter (the portion he wrote) was very short and basic, it is so great to know he is there and doing well.

It has been a difficult transition for my family all around. I know it's hard on my mom not having him around and not being able to pick up the phone and make sure he is okay. As for me, I often lie in bed at night and just ponder about his day, his feelings, and if he is scared or sad. I know that is very "big sister-like" of me, but that is just how I am. Mr. Hoosier tells me not to worry, but it's in my nature.

I do, however, have comfort in knowing that my brother thrives in structured, disciplined atmospheres, hence my belief in the reason he joined the Navy. After baseball was out of his life, it was hard for him without the structure, the discipline, the feeling of accomplishment, and the presence of teammates. What better place to get these back in your life than a branch of the military?

Despite my worrying, and mostly wondering, I am so proud of him. I am sure I will state this many times until the day he graduates from bootcamp. Speaking of bootcamp, in the letter we received his graduation date; he will be graduating on March 19th. My birthday is March 22, and I couldn't ask for anything better to see my brother graduate from bootcamp for my 26th birthday. So, Mr. Hoosier, myself, and my family will be spending the weekend in Chicago seeing my brother graduate and enjoying some time with him before he enters A School. Until then, I have comfort in knowing he is going to come out a changed man, for the better. I am so proud of him and love him so much.

Well, I am off to write him his first letter.

Until next time,
H =)

Bittersweet Farewell

My dear, younger brother:

I feel like it was just yesterday that the three of us piled in one bed on Christmas Eve in anticipation of what Santa would bring us, and today I said good-bye to you for what will be longest I ever go without hearing your voice or seeing your face. Although I am sad, I have never been so proud of you in all 20 years of your life!

I have told you this story a hundred times, and I am going to write it once again...

I remember the day you were born. Heck, I remember the day before you were born; it was October 4th, 1989. Mom, Dad, and I went to buy a new car in preparation for YOU! I was so excited about the pockets on the back of the seats. I remember that I told mom I couldn't wait to put books in the pockets so I could read to my new sibling; and that I did, all the time. Then, the next day, I got to miss school. Yes, Mom let me "skip" school in kindergarten so that I could be there to welcome you into this world. I remember sitting in the waiting room with Aunt Rita. Of course I remember what I was wearing; jeans, a white oshkosh sweater with a pink turtleneck underneath, and my hair in a pony tail. The nurse came out into the waiting room and told me I had a new baby brother. I was so excited to see you. I already had a picture drawn to tape hospital crib for everyone to see. When you came home from the hospital, I brought you for show and tell. I was such a proud big sister at the age of 5, and that is one thing that has never changed!

Life for us has gone so fast, but we have so many memories! It was so funny to watch you as a little boy fall asleep in your high chair while eating. I will never forget you going around and showing people the "squeeze". When I speed skated, you were always my biggest fan and would meet me after my races to give me a hug; you were so loving. I remember all the bike rides we used to take with mom when we were younger. First, you sitting in the seat attached to her bike. Then, you riding your own bike with Court in the baby seat. As you got older, we made memories playing various sports. I remember golfing with Dad at the par 3 course and the first time you ever beat me; I was so mad! Many memories were with baseball whether it be playing catch in the street, wiffle ball in the backyard, cheering you to to so many victories, or in the car going to and from various tournaments; watching you play ball brought so much joy to everyone.

As you grew into a young man, you became one of my very best friends. I treasure the late night talks we always had in the summer time by the pool, and even the instant messenger conversations we had while I was away at school. I loved when you and Court came to stay with me at Ball State for a week while I was taking summer school classes. But most of all, I love the trust and friendship we built beyond being just brother and sister; I know that relationship will continue as you enter this new chapter of your life.

Deciding to join the Navy, in my eyes, was the most mature and responsible decision you have ever made and I have never been more proud. I know that you will excel in this atmosphere. You are an intelligent, kind-hearted, and determined man. There are so many opportunities that await you and I am so excited to see where this all takes you. Just like I cheered you on when you were on that baseball field, I will continue to cheer you on as you take on this next challenge in your life.

This will be the longest I ever go without talking to you, and it will be awhile, if ever again that we live only two hours away from each other, but that's okay. I know that nothing will ever come between the strong bond we have created over the last 20 years. I am proud of you, I love you dearly, and I wish you the very best. In the next 9 weeks, when you are struggling to get through, or feeling really homesick, just remember I will be yelling, "Come on, Z, you can do it!"

My thoughts and prayers are with you throughout bootcamp, and forever! I can't wait to see you graduate!

Love always,

Your Big Sis